The Grind

Hey everyone

We went up today to meet with Sophie's new doctor and to have a visit with our girl. We usually meet once a week or so with the doctor, nurses and social worker to get an update on Sophie's progress and to ask any questions or discuss any concerns we may have. It is really amazing to have all of these people in our corner, helping our girl to grow and supporting us through this process. Today's meeting went really well. We met Sophie's new doctor and he let us know that she is doing really well. They have done all the investigation possible to try to find out why she is having so many apneas (forgets to breathe) and bradycardias (where her heart rate goes below 100), but ultimately it's because she's little and it's what preemies do. I had hoped to hear she'd be home for Christmas, but the doctor said 7-10 weeks until she's ready for that. Basically, we are just waiting for her to grow.

We're so fortunate and grateful that her stay in the NICU has been pretty uneventful. Her journey could have been a lot scarier and had more challenges than what she has experienced. I think, though, that this point in the experience presents a different set of challenges for everyone. We have to wait and be patient for her to grow. I have never been very good at either waiting or being patient. I always pop the toaster before it does it on its own....

Kie and I have been trying to balance our "normal" life with the NICU experience, and it wears slowly on our souls. We ache for our little girl. We want her home with us and we want to experience what it's like to be parents without nurses and doctors and machines. We want to hold her without a time limit. We want to change her diapers and bathe her ourselves. We just really feel ready to have our girl home with us and to start our new lives as parents. We just have to wait until she's ready for that, too.

The past month has been so difficult, and I keep trying to find reasons or lessons in what's going on. With Gord's leukemia and Sophie's early entry into the world, it's been made crystal clear that we have to make every moment count. I guess all of this time spent waiting and watching her grow just makes us more aware of how every single moment of our time with her is magical. I just want to write it down so we remember this when she's screaming in the grocery store, or when she has a keg party in our house when we're away on vacation.